Are you afraid to be vulnerable? If so, you’ re not alone.
We’ re taught to trust vulnerability is weakness. Good being vulnerable makes all of us look foolish. We fearfulness that if we get susceptible with another person, we may obtain hurt and never recover.
In this post I’m likely to invite you to see weeknesses in a much different way. However, let’s talk about why and exactly how we avoid being vulnerable.
How we avoid being vulnerable
Vulnerability is our determination to expose our truth. This can be really hard, because the truth could be scary and shameful. Therefore , we do everything we can not to be vulnerable.
We try to avoid vulnerability in many ways. But the biggest way we do it is by means of judgment.
In many cases judgment has been our greatest defense mechanism. We have used it to defend against our vulnerability. We fear that if we all let our guard down and act compassionately plus lovingly toward one another that will we’ll be taken advantage of with no longer be safe.
This is totally understandable given the traumas we have experienced in the past and all the brand new traumatic events in the world. We have built up a wall contrary to the presence of love plus instead grown to rely on judgment as our guard.
Twitter update: We put enormous energy into hiding our weeknesses, but it’s our weeknesses that truly heals. @gabbybernstein
Our judgment of others has safeguarded us from facing our own wounds. But it’s also held us back through healing and growing. The unwillingness to face the pain with self-compassion keeps us from experiencing miracles.
Press perform on the video below…
We rely on judgment to avoid shame
Behind the wall structure of judgment lie our own deepest feelings of inadequacy and shame. When we really feel separate from others our shame is triggered. All of us feel alone, not good enough plus unworthy of love plus connection.
Pity is the most difficult emotion to simply accept and we’ll do everything to avoid feeling it. We resist it by predicting it onto others through judgment, and then we develop to rely on judgment as a means of finding relief from our wounds.
But when we all suppress our shame and refuse to be vulnerable, we all feel disconnected from other people and out of alignment with the truth.
Declining to be vulnerable can make us feel incredibly lonely, even when we’re surrounded by family and friends. When we don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable, we can feel as if we’re putting on an take action for the world.
Our true power is based on our willingness to be vulnerable
We think getting vulnerable is weak. But nothing could be further from the truth.
Being susceptible isn’t weak. It takes courage!
We put enormous effort directly into hiding our vulnerability, yet it’s our vulnerability that truly heals. When we feel safe enough to expose our shadows, that’s when we turn out to be free. We don’t have to shield our shadows any longer. We can begin to dismantle the walls that separates us from real, authentic, fearless love.
Vulnerability is really a gift we give others because it allows them to notice us for who we really are. It lets us be authentic and truthful, which allows us to create genuine connections and deepen our human relationships.
All human relationships benefit from our willingness to become vulnerable. When we expose the truth, we give other people permission to do the same. Within moments of authentic expression we release all the pretenses we’ve built up and allow people in on who seem to we really are.
Being vulnerable allows us to appear more fully in the world. Your own authentic truth is your splendor. Your willingness to allow the world see you in truth is the greatest contribution. When we all of the get real, the world will recover!
Vulnerability can be our greatest strength
Check out this beautiful video from SuperSoul Sunday to find out what I mean. This is a clip from Oprah’s talk with Dr . Brené Brown about how vulnerability will be our greatest strength:
(If you haven’t seen Brené’s famous TED Talk on vulnerability, just click here to watch it now. )
In the video clip above, Oprah says that vulnerability is the cornerstone associated with confidence. This couldn’t become more true. When we are susceptible we are real. You’ll see how strong you really are and you’ll stand tall within your authentic truth.
Vulnerability is incredibly effective. It creates genuine connection. Absolutely nothing is sexier than your authentic truth. When you let your guard down and become prepared to be vulnerable, you ask others to do the same. You strengthen your relationships. You let others know it is safe to be honest with you. You feel a messenger for the light!
How to really be vulnerable
The minute we are vulnerable is the moment we feel free. Being vulnerable allows us to let go of whatever fake persona we’ve been predicting. Instead, we can step into the truth.
So, just how do you go about actually being vulnerable?
Weeknesses is a practice
First, it’s important to remember that vulnerability is a practice. The more you allow yourself to end up being vulnerable, the easier it becomes. Weeknesses feels good because you’re honoring your emotions and articulating them honestly. The more a person practice it, the better you’ll feel!
Getting vulnerable may be uncomfortable initially. That’s okay. There’s a great passage in A Course in Miracles that says that we get to be grateful for our the majority of uncomfortable circumstances because those people are the circumstances that show us what we need to cure.
Remember that. As this is what we are here for. We’re not here to walk around being perfect, enlightened creatures. We’re here on a trip of unlearning fear and remembering love. One day each time we show up with the intention to surrender and then give up some more.
Heal your judgment
The most powerful way you can start embracing your vulnerability is by healing your own judgment. The first step in healing our shame and allowing down our guard is to accept that we are not the particular victim of the world we all see. This is why the Common sense Detox process begins with witnessing your judgment (Step 1) and honoring your wounds (Step 2). These two steps bring you clarity and deep, deep relief.
Allow others to be vulnerable with you
Another big part of training vulnerability is to allow other people to be vulnerable around you, as well. When others express weeknesses to us, it is the job to be kind plus compassionate. It takes a lot of bravery to expose your shame and be honest about your feelings. Consequently , we must hold others in their vulnerability and thank them for being real. The short-term discomfort we might feel will be far outweighed by the more powerful, deeper and more authentic romantic relationships we’ll build.
My dear friend Lewis Howes has amazing insight into vulnerability, especially when it comes to guys. If you’ re a guy who struggles with being vulnerable, Lewis’ s advice in his book The Mask of Masculinity is indispensable. It’ s incredibly valuable for females, too. Lewis will help you keep space for your partner so he can feel safe getting vulnerable with you.
If you are having a tough time allowing go of your judgment associated with another person, say this plea.
Check out our free Judgment Detox Mini Course!
In this FREE 3-part small course, I guide you via 3 core practices of the Judgment Detox. Release judgment and feel good fast! Obtain instant access here.
How to be vulnerable and authentic at work
One of the situations exactly where it’ s hardest to be vulnerable is at work. We frequently think that vulnerability is unprofessional, especially in a more formal office. But in fact, being genuine and vulnerable makes all of us happier and more productive at the office. And it makes for much stronger teams!
I’ m excited to share that my good friend Mike Robbins assumes this topic in his book Bring Your Whole Self to operate. I highly recommend reading their blog post about what it means to create your whole self to work.
Here’ s an excerpt from Mike’ h book:
Getting vulnerable takes courage. However, all too often we relate to weeknesses — especially in certain conditions, relationships, and situations (particularly at work) — as something we should avoid. Yet it’s vulnerability that liberates us from our erroneous and insatiable obsession with trying to do everything “right” — thinking that we can’t make some mistakes, have flaws, or be human. Embracing vulnerability permits us to let go of the pressure-filled excellence demands we place on ourselves.
In addition to publishing us, being vulnerable gives other people permission to be vulnerable as well; and in doing so, we open up the possibility of real human connection. The natural human response to vulnerability is empathy. And with empathy, we can produce deeper trust, connection, and understanding with those about us.
Start your Judgment Detox exercise with my free small course!
I produced a free Judgment Detox Small Course to guide you through 3 or more core practices of the book! When you take this course you’ ll experience the promise of healing judgment right away.
Access the totally free mini course now!
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