The skill of self confidence | Dr. Ivan Joseph | TEDxRyersonU

Anwar Dafa-Alla Previously when I was a soccer coach, When you win a national championship, Everyone wants to come play for you. Not quite right. When you pay them $ 25,000 annually in a scholarship, Everyone wants to come play for you. Parents come to me and say: “Well, my son or daughter wants to play for your university, What should we do? what are you looking for?” As a Socratic Professor, I say, well, what is your son or daughter doing? What can they do well to make us interested? And usually their answers, well, have a good vision. They are really good. They can see the entire stadium. Or, my daughter is the fastest player, nobody can match her. Or, build a great left-wing player. Very cool in the air and can hit every ball. Say, “Yes, bad.” But to be completely honest with you, Those things are the last thing I’m looking for. The most important thing? Self confidence”. Without this skill, I used the word skill deliberately, Without that skill, we are useless as soccer players. Because when you lose your vision or belief in yourself, We’re done.

It is the ability or belief To believe in yourself, to accomplish any task, Regardless of the possibilities, and regardless of the difficulty, Regardless of adversity. Thinking that you can make it happen, self-confidence. Some of you say, “Great, I don’t have that. I’m very shy. I will never be able to do that, nonsense. ” And you start to slide all the way down here. However, I am using the word skill because I I think it can be rehearsed. And I’ll show you some of the ways we do. I hope time does not run out. I do not use slices So we will see the way to go. The easiest way to build self-confidence: There is no magic button. I cannot say, “This plane is crashing Who can fly? By show of hands. ” “I can, I am sure!” (Laughter) Repetition, repetition, repetition. is not it? What does that call Malcolm Gladwell, the base of 10,000 politicians? There is no magic button.

I picked a Colombian goalkeeper, South America one year. Huge, 6’3 “tall. You know, his hands were like a stone. I thought it was like a flapper. Every time I throw him the ball, down, to the ground. I was saying, oh my god, we are in trouble. The solution is simple: go to the wall, Kick the ball on the wall and then grab it. Kick the ball on the wall and then grab it. His goal was 350 times a day for eight months. He came back, his hands were stiff, The moisture in his hands just disappeared, Now playing in Europe. Charm? No. Repetition, repetition, repetition. The problem is that we expect to be confident of ourselves But we cannot be like that without skill, Or the task that we do, Not new, not new to us.

We would like to be in a position Where we have a lot of pressure in it And what I mean, pressure builds diamonds, Would like to be where we are “Hey, I did it a thousand times.” I prepared my speech, And I checked in front of the mirror: No, No, No, No, No, No, No. Hey, it seems I’ve mastered it. Then I went in front of my children, and my wife. I said, my God, I became a little bit nervous. Then I do that in front of Glen Gould, My God, my tension increased slightly! And by the time I reach ACG, With 2,500 people in there, I can’t say more than that, right? 2,500 people. When 2,500 people are there, I will never get nervous Because of my ability to train. is not it? Repeatedly. The problem of repetition is: How many of us stop after the first failure? How many of us stop after the first ordeal? Addison was on that screen, Depending on who you ask, There are between 1,000 Up to 10,000 attempts to reach the light bulb. 1,000 to 10,000. JK Rolling should be on the screen. Do you know how many publishers offered her book “Potter”? I think the number is between 12 and 13 …

I am absolutely certain that after two or three attempts at failure I will lose hope: “Damn.” After 6 or 7 I will be: “Maybe not!” Certainly after 9 or 10 attempts I will be looking to be a soccer coach Or something else in addition to authorship. (Laughter) is not it? I mean 12 times someone refused. However, practice, practice, practice and do not accept failure. Maybe not the iteration Perhaps the answer is perseverance. Because we repeat things, but very few persevere. So, this is one way to build self-confidence. They set off. Do what you want to do and do not accept rejection. The other way is to talk to oneself. We all talk to ourselves. Has anyone gone to the market and tried jeans this week? If you are a woman, The first thing that comes to mind: “Damn, I look fat in these pants!” Conversely, if you are a man: “Oh my God, I’m so flabby and muscular!” is not it? We all have this kind of self-talk.

When I was a student, if I was asked a question, I used to say to myself: “Oh, please, Professor. Don’t choose me. I don’t know the answer.” I was to look down. is not it? Let me tell you something, And the vice president of business administration here, I shouldn’t repeat this, But when I was hired as an athletics director, I attended a meeting with the architect, And I don’t know anything Regarding numbers and angles. And they were like: Ceramic valve The architect, ah, What do you think Dr. Joseph? Let me look at that and I’ll tell you later. (Laughter) is not it? I was in a situation, oh my God, please do not ask me, please do not ask me. We all suffer from negative self-talk. Guess what? There are enough people telling us that we will not be able to do so. We are not good enough. Did we want to tell ourselves that? We know that in fact thoughts affect actions.

We saw this in the video presented by Sheldon, Dr. Levy. We know that our thoughts affect our actions, We did not want to update ourselves with these negative words? We must have a self-affirmation. Muhammad Ali, what was his self-affirmation? I’m the greatest! Who else will tell you that? You should have quiet times in your bedroom. Quiet times while brushing your teeth. Where you need to reconfirm: “I am the captain of my ship and in control of my destiny!” This is my confirmation. I studied in a school with a thousand people, I lived in a city of a thousand people for 15 years: There is no reason to be responsible for the sports department, And about building hockey halls. But I am the captain of my ship and my destiny. If I don’t say it, if I don’t believe it, No one will. How to build self-confidence? Stay away from who will tear you apart. There are enough of these. I am the best !, No one is better than me Muhammad Ali There is a difference between arrogance, arrogance, and false pride. Just remind yourself in the silent moments, I wrote it in a list, Beside my mirror, is not it? For everything that makes me who I am.

Because I made enough mistakes, And the newspapers you will mention, It will also be mentioned by those around me; And they will rip me, And very soon I will start believing it. There was a time when my self-confidence was very low. It is past time when I took this job When I came from Iowa, I didn’t know if I could do it. I had to take out the message of my self-confidence. A message I wrote to myself when I had a good feeling. Evan, Mubarak You must obtain a PhD before the age of 40. Mba … I’m 40, younger. (Laughter) Congratulations on winning the national championship.

You did a good job by raising three good children and marrying you a healthy woman. I wrote a letter to myself, It was my brag. My own message about the things I am proud of. Because there are moments, We all fought it in our professions and in our lives During our search for a job and in our relationships; When we are not satisfied Who, what and where we are. I had to take out that message and read it over and over again, For about two weeks, during my overcoming that ordeal. That was important. Stop speaking to oneself, negative from it. If you see, you’ll see some athletes wear a small bandage, Or a brand around them. Lance Armstrong is an ideal example. What was his self-affirmation? Powerful nest is not a brand, it was to remind him of what it was. Live strong. Then it became a trademark. Was moving it from one hand to another, When he has a feeling of fear or suspicion. Live strong, put it there, let’s go. We all have it, so we can put it.

Two ways to build self-confidence. I am worried about my time I will tell you in a way It enables you to build self-confidence in others. We are trainers and educators, Teachers and people We will provide value in this world; By doing this, we are critical of the nature of what we do. I am a coach, I want to score. The ball passed over the goal. “Damn” the ball passed high! “Thank you, coach, I know that. The reaction indicated that to me.” So what do we do? I would like you to attach your attachment here, To put your knee over the ball, I would like to follow. Boom. coming down. Gorgeous. Note, I have never been a professional. (Laughter) What can we do? We fix errors. When I fix this error: “Johnny, this is bad, Should you flex your knee, do this and that? What did you do with Johnny’s self-confidence? Bend your knee, then do this and that.

What happens next, Johnny is ruined. Ignore the mistake Johnny made Find Bob, Sally, or Unique here. Great goal, Frida, I love how you kept your knee low. And you followed me down this way. good job! Johnny: “Oh?” Great! Johnny was not disappointed. His confidence was not affected, And what I did was increase my confidence. Imagine how we can change how we raise children. instead of: “Keep the cup away from the table, what’s wrong with you?” (Laughter) If we take the role of the mother, good.

good job! good job. Thank you, Alice, for putting your cup on the table. It sounds simpler but we forget it. Or as educators or as a team member If we can praise With the positive behavior that we wanted to reinforce. forget that. This looks very simple. Hold them when they do something good. forget that. It is simple. Here’s what they did. There was a study in Kansas. They filmed a video, and we all filmed the video. And we show them a video as they play: “He entered this goal because the basket was not protected, We haven’t exchanged here, right? We must do it and then we cover the gap. ” And if this is the starting line, The Kansas team evolved this way. Then, they said they neglected all this Show them only the times they did it right. The times they have perfected. He didn’t make goals, he talked about the same points, Evolution took place this way, It radically changed the way you as coaches We interact with our student athletes.

We can apply this to the business world. We can apply that to the work of our student group, We can apply this to our management teams. Easily: grab them when they do it right. Last but not least. My son is very good with this. Self-confident explain the reaction The way they choose. I ask my very bad child with sports, As is his father (Laughter) the game… How was the game? Fantastic! She scored 3 goals, passed two assists. And I’m like: “I’ve never seen him touch the disc!” But he has his own perspective How about playing it! (Laughter) I love that! (Laughter) Isn’t it ….

I’m that person! I like: “I remember when I was talking When I met my wife, it was in a public park. Pauli, would you like to go to the movies? Ladies? Tingling tingling and twitching. ” (Laughter) It says: “Umm, no.” I asked her again. Because I thought it didn’t show me a good lighting angle. (Laughter) Perhaps, I’m not wearing this wrong shirt. is not it? Because I explain it the way I like it. Finally, I asked her again. She gave me this only comment, right? Or, she sent it to her friend. Because that was the way it was popular at the time “You wouldn’t be dating you unless There was the last person on the floor, Hell was freezing, There was little chance that we could save the planet.

Some people, it’s like, there’s no chance. And I’m like, “I say, there’s a chance.” (Laughter) is not it? Because I will explain it with that. If I could give you one thing to remember from this conversation, It is: no one believes in your capabilities Unless you believe. Listen to the words of that video. This is for all of you crazy, The misfits and the rebels trouble makers Square wedges in circular holes. We are supposed to be different, people. And when people look at us, Believe in yourselves. Thank you.

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