“Nobody can hurt me personally without my permission. ”
“Do what you really feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll end up being criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and darned if you don’t. ”
A very common problem that can drag your self-esteem down or build-up so much anger that vapor may start to come out of your ear is to take things as well personally.
Which means you may try to grow some thicker skin and allow criticism, negativity or verbal attacks just wash off of you.
Yet that’s often easier said than done.
So in this week’s article I’d like to discuss 6 habits that really work with me – at least generally – and helps myself to reduce the stress, anger plus hurt in my life.
I hope they’ll end up being useful for you too.
1 . Breathe.
Just concentrate on your breathing for a minute or two (or for a couple breaths if that’s on a regular basis you got).
Focus only on the air flow going in and out of your nasal area. Nothing else.
This particular simple exercise helps you to relaxed your mind and body down a bit.
It will help you to create a bit of area between you and what has just happened and by doing so you’re more unlikely to have a knee-jerk reaction and also to, for example , lash out verbally at the other person.
Going about elements this way makes it easier to react to the situation in the way you may deep down want to.
2 . Get clarification.
Do not jump to conclusions depending on what you may have just confusing and let that drag you down into anger in order to feeling sorry for yourself.
Instead, ask questions when possible to help clarify a bit about what the other person meant.
And, if you can, explain exactly how what he said makes you feel. We have different points of views and ways of communicating and might not, for instance, realize that it came across as a bit severe or rude.
3. Realize that every thing isn’t about you.
It’s super easy to fall into the trap of thinking that criticism or even verbal attacks you receive are about you or some thing you did.
But it may simply end up being about the other person aquiring a bad day, week or even year. Or about how these are miserable at their work or in their marriage at the moment.
And so they launch some pent up emotions plus tensions at you who will be simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Remind yourself of the when you wind up in a situation where you are likely to take things personally.
four. Talk it out.
When some thing gets under your skin and you start to take it personally then you can certainly get stuck in a negative spiral of sinking self-esteem that just gets more powerful and stronger.
Break out of that or avoid it by letting so what happened out into the light. Talk it over with someone close to you and let your friend share her perspective on what happened.
Maybe she knows something about how the person that verbally attacked you is going by way of a tough time.
Or she could just pay attention and through that help you to sort things out for yourself and ground you towards a more level-headed perspective on what happened.
five. Ask yourself: is there actually something here that could help me?
This one could be a tough one to ask yourself. And yes it may not always lead to some thing.
But simply by asking it you can sometimes empower yourself.
You can find one or more steps to decide to use improve whatever the criticism involved. You can start moving forward again and regain confidence in yourself and in your skill.
Instead of obtaining stuck in inaction and in replaying what happened over and over again in your mind.
This one could be especially helpful if this will be the fifth or tenth period you have heard the same thing through people. Then there might be something here you would like to work on (even if that might not be so fun to face).
6. Transform your self-esteem.
I’ve found that as I’ve learned to improve and maintain my self-esteem steady elements don’t get under our skin as often. I don’t take the capsules so personally and I keep a healthier perspective plus distance to them.
And so they tend bounce away from quicker and not drag the day or week lower.
One simple way to start improving your self-esteem nowadays is to be kinder to the people in your own life.
You are able to:
- Help them out practically in some way.
- Listen if they need the help of a friend to find a better perspective.
- Give a genuine compliment.
- Encourage when the majority of their world may be disheartening.
How you treat other people is the way they will most often treat you too in the long run.
Plus, more importantly for your self-esteem, when you are kinder towards others then you tend to treat and think about yourself in a kinder way too.