Do you have problems with keeping a conversation going? Do you sometimes run out associated with things to say?
Then you’re in the right place.
Because in this post I’d like to reveal 8 of my own favorite tips plus habits that have allowed me to greatly reduce this issue in my own lifetime.
This is what has worked the best to not get stuck within awkward silences or even in not being able to help keep a conversation going.
1 . Enter the right frame of mind prior to the conversation even begins.
This is one of the most essential things in this post. Perhaps the most important one.
Because if you are overly nervous, wound up and you also feel stiff then you are in my experience much more likely to get trapped in awkward silences and in having a difficult time with good ideas as to what to say next.
But if you on the other hand get into the right frame of mind before the discussion even begins then your words, thoughts plus questions will a lot more naturally flow from your mind and mouth.
Here is a 3 step method that I have used many, many times during the past decade to get into that right head space:
Step 1 : Slow down.
Since you’re heading to your own meeting or conversation slow down.
Walk slower. Proceed slower. Then quit.
Step 2: Breathe.
Endure still or sit back for a minute or even two. And fully focus on your inhaling and exhaling. Nothing else.
Breathe deeply through your nostrils and with your own belly.
Focus on just your slow in-breaths plus out-breaths for 1-2 minutes.
This will calm your body and mind straight down and make it simpler to think clearly and usually again.
Another essential advantage of focusing on your breathing is that it will pull you back to this moment right now once again. And not leave you stuck in past mistakes or worries about the future as you are going to step into that meeting and conversation.
3: Assume rapport.
This really is probably my favorite routine for reducing the particular nervousness that often cramped me socially in past times.
What exactly is assuming relationship?
Well, just before you meet up with someone you make-believe and think to your self that you are meeting your best friends.
Doing this – especially after you have already comfortable by using steps one and 2 – will let you slip into an even more comfortable, confident plus enjoyable frame of mind.
In this emotional state and frame of mind the conversation plus smiles tend to flow naturally and without much thought or hesitation.
The same as it does with your best friends.
Using these 3 steps again and again until they become somewhat of an automated habit does in my opinion make it a lot easier to have meetings plus dates where conversations just keep moving with fewer uncomfortable silences.
2 . Remember F. O. R. D.
As you right now go into that conversation after having used 3 steps over keep F. U. R. D in your mind to keep the conversation going.
F. O. Ur. D is an acronym that stands for:
It’s an easy reminder.
A reminder of what people often want to talk about. The items and topics that are closest to their minds. The things that engage all of them and get them going.
Such as their kids, pets, favorite hobbies and dreams about where they wish to travel and what they want to do in the next few years.
These four broad topics don’t have to be the end of the conversation of course.
One of them can simply be the springboard that keeps you in engaging conversation on the myriad of topics for any coffee-date or a whole evening.
So keep F. O. R. G at the back of your mind once you learn you sometimes go out things to say or ask about.
3. Become genuinely interested (rather than focusing on being interesting).
Dale Carnegie once said:
“You can make more close friends in two months simply by becoming really thinking about other people than you are able to in two years simply by trying to get other people interested in you. Which is just another way of saying that the best way to make a friend is usually to be one. ”
That’s a really good tip to maintain the conversation going too.
But sometimes challenging as we may want to keep the spotlight on yourself. Or we think how the best way to make new connections is to be more interesting ourselves.
But getting more interested in a genuine method, asking questions and also to keep exploring the other person – by way of example using the F. O. R. D suggestion – rather than leading the conversation to yourself and what you know right away tends to work effectively to make new friends and to keep that will conversation going nowadays and next week too.
Be sure to focus on using open-ended questions though (questions that cannot just be answered by an easy yes or no). So for example inquire: “What do you think concerning this music? rather than “Do you like this song? ”.
4. Talk about what excites a person.
So being fascinated tends to work better compared to being interesting.
But when the spotlight is you in the conversation after that what should you talk about?
One good tip is to talk about what excites you. Your passions no matter if that is gardening, photography, soccer, music or something else.
Because talking about your own passions spreads optimistic vibes and it showcases some of your best parts (something that may not really show much if you just stick to talking about work or current events). And it leads to the conversation to the other person revealing his or her passions and thus more positive vibes are usually generated in your conversation.
5. Avoid discussing negative topics.
Couple of things tend to drag a conversation lower or bring the wordflow to a halt as negative topics. Like for example:
- Your crappy employer or colleague.
- Your uninteresting job.
- Getting too technical about your enthusiasm.
- Scary subjects like serial killers.
Now, there are of course exceptions when these topics can create good conversations. For example if you bring up them up with people you know a little better or along with close friends.
6. Maintain some other good topics in your mental backpocket.
Conversation expert Leil Lowndes once mentioned:
“Never leave home with out reading the newspaper”.
That’s one easy method to always have something to talk about and to keep a conversation going.
Another good one which people always like to talk about is preferences. For example:
- Favorite songs/albums.
- Favorite moments from the Olympic Games.
- Favorite movies/TV-shows.
- The worst food you have ever eaten.
- The best vacation actually vs . the worst one.
seven. Take a step back and enquire a question.
One thing We quite often do when the conversation has stalled a bit is to take one or two steps in the conversation and to request a question.
For example , if the additional person said a few momemts ago that one of her favorite trips was to Iceland then you can say:
“You mentioned you went to Iceland, what did you decide to do there? And what was the highlight of that vacation? ”
Or if the lady mentioned being interested in photography earlier within the conversation then you can for example say:
“You mentioned pictures is a hobby associated with yours. What is your favorite photo you’ve taken this year? ”
eight. Practice, practice, practise.
The final tip is to perform what you do when you want to get better at anything in life:
To rehearse. To put in the mins and hours in conversation while using the suggestions above.
Two more items to make that practice easier are:
You don’t have to consider a big step forward straight into what may seem scary. Thinking about things that way may discourage both you and keep you trapped within inaction. Instead, get one small step forward as you practice to keep your conversations heading this week.
For example , use the very first 3 step workout before a meeting these days. Or keep your focus on F. O. Ur. D as you head into conversations around the lunch time table tomorrow.
Become kind when you have a setback (talk in order to yourself like your best friend would).
If a discussion does stall or you make a mistake then do not beat yourself up. A better approach would be to ask yourself this:
What would certainly my best friend/parent tell me to do in this particular situation?
And then you do exactly what he or she would tell you. By taking this kinder and more constructive method you won’t spend so much time on beating yourself up, you’ll more easily learn from what happened and you will be able to more quickly get up and try once again.