I got divorced. There, I admit it. If you ask me the reason why, I could give you a long-winded listing of reasons and accusations that made my marriage irreparable – irreconcilable differences, if you will. But when all has been said and done, it comes down to one simple reason. We were unhappy .
The divorce is such a heavy burden to carry. You start splitting every thing down the middle and then need to figure out how the half which you got is going to support you as well as your kids now.
Luckily, we were able to stay cordial during the proceedings, keeping our kids important and understanding that sacrificing their wellbeing for the sake of our own pride was not something we ever wanted to do.
Had all of us gone the vengeful separation and divorce route, I couldn’t even fathom the pain that would’ve been inflicted on every sides, and my coronary heart goes out to all single mothers and fathers who had that on their plate too.
But once our divorce was finished, it became apparent that there were numerous challenges waiting around to pounce right around the corner.
Shock, surprise, the biggest one was money. For years, I’d place my career on keep so I could be a full-time mom for the most important period of the kids’ lives – become there for them until these were at least of preschool age group.
After I became single once again, I had to go back to the labor force – with a massive employment gap on my continue. Not to mention that I still needed to tighten my budget belt and be very attentive to the usage of utilities in the apartment the kids and I had moved into after selling the house, despite aquiring a good emergency fund to rely on.
Being someone who’s dealt with finances all her life did help a bunch as I knew how to manage money well, but modifying to a whole new lifestyle was still nerve-wracking and I had been utterly terrified. And realizing that this was affecting my kids, too, made it all the more difficult.
I started buying value rather than name-brand products, canceled the gym membership, and overall lived a much more modest lifestyle compared to when I was wedded. Every penny mattered at this point until we got back on this feet.
But finances apart, it was heartbreaking to come to terms with the fact that I could no longer rely on my husband, whether or not it was to run an errand or to have a shoulder to cry on after a long day.
Again, my saving grace was that we ended this on peaceful terms therefore at least our kids didn’t overlook either of us. He had been never the type to try to steer clear of the responsibilities of a father and I realize I’m luckier than most in this regard. The kids might move back and forth every couple weeks, which gave them sufficient love and devotion to both ends, though explaining the reason why mom and dad were no longer jointly was another can of worms.
There’s still a nagging voice in the back of my head that tells me our separation and divorce will affect them worse in the long run but I’m attempting my best to minimize the damage. After all, they’re the reason We keep pedaling forward regardless of the breakup, making all the changes in lifestyle in the world more than worth it.
I’d have long gone insane if it weren’t for them – and seeing their smiles that remind me I’ve performed at least something right the actual storm seem like a drizzle. It was my kids that produced me realize my career isn’t all that matters on earth, that I’m not the only real person who matters to me.
With that being said, I still needed the helping hand from time to time. Initially, I was embarrassed to ask for assist – what would everyone say – but then it dawned on me which i was now carrying the weight usually shared by two people, so needing assist was expected, if not normal. And I realize I’m luckier than most people when I say that will my parents and friends had been more than happy to jump this website and there and consider some of the pressure off our shoulders.
And so they did, doing the occasional babysitting while I actually went out to have some me-time to decompress or quickly pop out for groceries. Sometimes they tackled the tasks around the house while I touched up my resume plus prepared for yet another Zoom interview.
If you ever find yourself in a situation like this, don’t hesitate to ask the people closest for you to lend a helping hand. It takes a community, remember? And thanks to my very own village, I’ve managed to property a new job that will obtain the updated version of my loved ones up on its own two foot and back to normal.
10 years ago, this is not where I thought I was going to be – but suddenly having the rug pulled out from under me personally has molded me in to a better, stronger version of myself that is no longer afraid of the unknown.
It had taken a whole lot of blood, perspire, and tears, but We finally made it over the hill, and if you’re struggling with an identical problem, I trust that you can do it, too. If there is anything I learned in all my years on this earth, it’s that you can handle anything at all life throws at you. It only seems unattainable when you’re in the heavy of the storm.
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