A Couple Drops in the Bucket: How to Resolve Conflict With a Friend

I was all in our filled, college student-sized residence kitchen. My two roommates, my closest close friends, were sitting on the ground dying a couple of t shirts and a pair of shoes. Inclined against the counter, I watched my two close friends who sat close to their swirling black concoction of dye, water, and clothes like two young witches next to a Tub-A-Ware cauldron. That they had a mission, but I was simply there for company. In addition to the heels of a set of sneakers, the water was too dark to find out below the surface. An upsetting aroma drifted about our kitchen, something similar to old lake water and something burned. Via it all, we sitting together on the floor. All of us talked and joked, laughed, and gossiped. It was a fun night for the three of us.

When the clothes had spent their allotted time in the particular dye, my roommates began to pour out the used drinking water and tried to squeeze out as much in the saturated clothing because they could. During this procedure, one of the girls in some way accidentally sent a number of drops flying inside my direction. These drops collided with my sweater, my favorite cardigan that had been gifted in my experience long ago, instantly getting absorbed and dyed. I exclaimed with panic, for I did not want my light grey sweater to become awkwardly spotted with black dye. My buddy, the accidental propeller of those droplets laughed and played this off, saying it wasn’t her fault, that she didn’t mean to, and yes it “wasn’t that big of a deal anyhow. ” However , We felt the opposite, therefore i immediately took off my sweater and sprayed it with spot-stain remover. She jeered and said I was acting childish, panicking over something so simple. My various other roommate told me the simplest way to wash out the dye after the stain remover and worked its magic. I then went to my area for the night.

Later that evening, the culprit of the splashed dye droplets wished to know why I needed left and not came back to spend time with these, just as we usually would almost every night. After telling her that I was disappointed with her, the girl explained that it was completely unintentional, and the girl dismissive words weren’t meant to hurt myself.

I experienced as though I was becoming misunderstood, and it produced me even more upset because her purpose didn’t remove fault or pain. This wasn’t the dye that had really hurt me. This wasn’t the words the lady had said. It had been the shrugging-off of my worries that will had hurt. It had been the fact that she did not feel bad, that she attempted to get rid of guilt from herself and the significance of it all instead of apologizing for what had happened. I could notice that even though it was my personal favorite sweater, it wasn’t something that would cause me to feel truly upset with her, but it was the lack of concern plus any noticeable quantity of regret that harm me.

Of course , this conflict was eventually resolved. We had been good friends for a long period and this wasn’t more than a couple drops in the bucket. We had experienced conflicts, difficulties, plus fights, but all of us knew how to straighten things out plus come back together once again. Throughout all of this although, I felt like there was an important lesson to be learned about intent. Intent does not always determine the effect your actions have on other people. I feel like it is frequently used as a defensive position, as individuals don’t often “intend” to offend or even hurt another person, specifically friends, but it does not take away the physical or emotional pain somebody feels. This is much more prevalent nowadays within our social and politics climate. Friends, relatives, coworkers, peers, fellow students… People of most kinds too quickly make an effort to belittle their own wrongdoings or attempt to warrant hurtful words or actions by claiming to be “too good” to do something wrong over the fear of getting perceived as someone that is not respectful to others. Too often do people belittle the harm they have caused by saying things like “Well I actually wasn’t trying to be racist”, “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings”, “What I did wasn’t meant to make you feel excluded”, “I would never want you to really feel violated” as if stating their intentions following the fact will change exactly what has already happened.

This detrimental mindset, that intentions without malice inhibit dangerous actions, aligns using the idea that those who confess to wrongdoings acknowledge to being poor people, for those without having malice can’t be blamed for their own harmful actions. Yet this isn’t accurate. All people make mistakes. Everyone may mistakenly hurt somebody else in their life. A good individual is the person that address those mistakes, identifies the pain they have caused, and does what they may to be comforting and stop harm in the future. This is when growth can occur. Should you be too afraid to get any of your actions end up being perceived as hurtful, or even too afraid of the idea that your actions, no matter what your intent had been, could have been harmful, how will anyone ever possess the courage to learn the way to be a more thoughtful and more kind individual? This isn’t to say that expressing regret, remorse, and apologizing will fix whatever provides happened, but it may immediately make the one offended recognize that a person truly wish these people weren’t experiencing the wrongdoing that had aggrieved them.

Most of friendships will encounter conflicts and disagreements; every party can eventually be wronged, or at least feel wronged, and long-lasting relationships will be the ones that engage in repentance. It is the first step in fixing wrongdoings. Even if it appears as though “crying over spilled milk”, or leaking dye in my situation, friendships will occasionally require you to swallow your pride and make a sincere apology. In case you care for them, then you definitely know a couple of seconds of embarrassment will be well worth the intimacy associated with friendship.

how to resolve conflict with a friend

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